"If ours is an examined faith, we should be unafraid of doubt. If doubt is eventually justified, we were believing what clearly was not worth believing. But if doubt is answered, our faith has grown stronger." Os Guinness
WAYS YOU CAN HELP YOUR STUDENT
SEVERAL WAYS YOU CAN HELP AS A PARENT:
+ALLOW SPACE+ Dr. Kara Powell, the author of Sticky Faith, noted, “It’s not doubt that’s toxic to faith, it’s silence about doubt.” Your student has a lot of answers coming from a lot of different places. Instead of more answers, they might need to sort through it with time knowing you are always available if and when they are ready to talk. Be their conversation partner, not always the one with answers but the one to help ask the right questions. You get to ask probing and clarifying questions that gives them space to think for themself. Consider saying, “Interesting, tell me more about that…”
Jesus is the best example of being a conversational partner. He had all the answers, but most of the time He was more interested in hearing from the people who had questions for Him.
+GIVE TIME+ Your students questions probably feel urgent and can be concerning as a parent. but remember, you’re in this for the long haul. You want to walk with them through this as a wise and understanding mentor in their life. So take a breath. Everything does not need to be resolved today. Be consistently available and authentically open. Know that those moments will add up.
Many parents have acknowledged how counterintuitive this feels: “I would never forsake relationship with my son because he believes differently than I do. But disagreement is challenging. Maybe the hardest thing to do is to hear others without refuting them.”
Express your heart to your student and that you want to be a trusted voice, a refuge from a turbulent world, someone who they can be completely transparent with, and we want this to be lifelong. Then realize you won't always agree and may have different views for seasons of your life - be consistently and unconditionally loving and understanding. Walk away from your conversation HEARD not WINNING.
+EMPATHY+ How might your teen feel in the midst of their doubt and questions? Take a moment and write down a few you think your student might be feeling.
Below are the ones our ASCEND team wrote:
Disoriented. Navigating a world turned upside down.
Isolated, alone.
Afraid. “What will I lose if I stop believing?”
Nervous to tell anyone about their questions. “Dad, are you still going to love me if I’m not a Christian?”
Indifferent or apathetic.
Despair about ever finding answers
Angry (a masking emotion. Maybe help them figure out what is underneath their frustration).
A deep wanting to believe.
Tiredness. Wanting to be done with all the unsettled ache that comes from questioning their way of seeing the world.
As one friend of ours put it, “Consider the real possibility that you’re wrong. Think about that and dwell on it. That chaotic feeling is what your teen is internalizing. They’re grappling with their ‘tornado-ness’—that when they die, they just stop spinning. And what do they have to care about but you?”
+UNCONDITIONAL LOVE+ Many students and young adults we talked with were surprised and awed by the way their parents responded to their questions. “My mom told me, ‘we are with you and for you no matter where you land or what you believe. Of course we want you to follow Jesus, but your decision in that area will not change our love for you.’” How beautiful!
In Romans 2 we learn that God’s kindness draws us to repentance. Your student can experience God’s kindness through your steady love. So be patient, think before you speak and lead with love.
+BE THE EXAMPLE+ Don Miller writes in Blue Like Jazz, “Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself.”
Your teen is watching the way that God’s love compels your actions, the way that you engage your own questions and uncertainties. Perhaps this feels weighty, but what if it also felt like a kind invitation? To stop worrying about having all the right answers, and to just lean on Jesus. In a way, that’s enough. Your closeness with Jesus will rub off on your teen. And in many ways this is what Gen Z longs for. No hypocrisy. Just what’s real. So show them what’s real.
+I'M NOT SHOCKED FACE+ Practice your “not shocked face.” If you want your student to continue coming to you with the really hard stuff, your reactions need to be inviting and kind. Even if you’re deeply upset or freaked out, practice staying calm and curious. Easier said than done, we know, but if you start preparing yourself now, you’ll do better when your student says something unexpected. We promise, it helps!
Below you will find continued helpful tools to help you and your student through navigating doubt.
+ALLOW SPACE+ Dr. Kara Powell, the author of Sticky Faith, noted, “It’s not doubt that’s toxic to faith, it’s silence about doubt.” Your student has a lot of answers coming from a lot of different places. Instead of more answers, they might need to sort through it with time knowing you are always available if and when they are ready to talk. Be their conversation partner, not always the one with answers but the one to help ask the right questions. You get to ask probing and clarifying questions that gives them space to think for themself. Consider saying, “Interesting, tell me more about that…”
Jesus is the best example of being a conversational partner. He had all the answers, but most of the time He was more interested in hearing from the people who had questions for Him.
+GIVE TIME+ Your students questions probably feel urgent and can be concerning as a parent. but remember, you’re in this for the long haul. You want to walk with them through this as a wise and understanding mentor in their life. So take a breath. Everything does not need to be resolved today. Be consistently available and authentically open. Know that those moments will add up.
Many parents have acknowledged how counterintuitive this feels: “I would never forsake relationship with my son because he believes differently than I do. But disagreement is challenging. Maybe the hardest thing to do is to hear others without refuting them.”
Express your heart to your student and that you want to be a trusted voice, a refuge from a turbulent world, someone who they can be completely transparent with, and we want this to be lifelong. Then realize you won't always agree and may have different views for seasons of your life - be consistently and unconditionally loving and understanding. Walk away from your conversation HEARD not WINNING.
+EMPATHY+ How might your teen feel in the midst of their doubt and questions? Take a moment and write down a few you think your student might be feeling.
Below are the ones our ASCEND team wrote:
Disoriented. Navigating a world turned upside down.
Isolated, alone.
Afraid. “What will I lose if I stop believing?”
Nervous to tell anyone about their questions. “Dad, are you still going to love me if I’m not a Christian?”
Indifferent or apathetic.
Despair about ever finding answers
Angry (a masking emotion. Maybe help them figure out what is underneath their frustration).
A deep wanting to believe.
Tiredness. Wanting to be done with all the unsettled ache that comes from questioning their way of seeing the world.
As one friend of ours put it, “Consider the real possibility that you’re wrong. Think about that and dwell on it. That chaotic feeling is what your teen is internalizing. They’re grappling with their ‘tornado-ness’—that when they die, they just stop spinning. And what do they have to care about but you?”
+UNCONDITIONAL LOVE+ Many students and young adults we talked with were surprised and awed by the way their parents responded to their questions. “My mom told me, ‘we are with you and for you no matter where you land or what you believe. Of course we want you to follow Jesus, but your decision in that area will not change our love for you.’” How beautiful!
In Romans 2 we learn that God’s kindness draws us to repentance. Your student can experience God’s kindness through your steady love. So be patient, think before you speak and lead with love.
+BE THE EXAMPLE+ Don Miller writes in Blue Like Jazz, “Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself.”
Your teen is watching the way that God’s love compels your actions, the way that you engage your own questions and uncertainties. Perhaps this feels weighty, but what if it also felt like a kind invitation? To stop worrying about having all the right answers, and to just lean on Jesus. In a way, that’s enough. Your closeness with Jesus will rub off on your teen. And in many ways this is what Gen Z longs for. No hypocrisy. Just what’s real. So show them what’s real.
+I'M NOT SHOCKED FACE+ Practice your “not shocked face.” If you want your student to continue coming to you with the really hard stuff, your reactions need to be inviting and kind. Even if you’re deeply upset or freaked out, practice staying calm and curious. Easier said than done, we know, but if you start preparing yourself now, you’ll do better when your student says something unexpected. We promise, it helps!
Below you will find continued helpful tools to help you and your student through navigating doubt.
SOME NOTES TO HELP YOU DIVE DEEPER
Sarah’s journey towards deconstruction began after she graduated from college. However, she would argue that the seeds of doubt were sown during her time at a Christian university, where she began to challenge the simplistic teachings she learned in church.
Sarah began to question the creation account she learned in Sunday school compared to the theory of evolution she had studied in school. She also struggled with the portrayal of an angry and vengeful God in the Old Testament. She wondered how her co-workers with diverse religions and cultures could find fulfillment and contentment apart from Christianity.
She also found the teaching of an eternal hell to be immoral and struggled to reconcile this with the idea of a loving God. Finally, she questioned why a church that preaches love would be so unaccepting to her friends in the LGBT community.
These doubts and questions only grew louder as they remained unanswered.
After college, Sarah experienced a failed relationship, which led to depression. She hoped to find solace and support within her church, but instead found superficial relationships centered around a few key personalities rather than genuine connection. When one of those personalities failed morally, she began to question the purpose of her involvement in church all together.
As her involvement in the church waned, Sarah began to notice posts on social media from old friends who were on their own deconstruction journeys. Their frustrations and questions resonated with her own doubts, and she found herself drawn to an online community of doubters and seekers. This group provided the deep thinking and authentic in relationships she had hoped for within the church.
While Sarah initially kept her deconstruction journey a secret, her online posts began to reflect her doubts and changes in belief. When she posted a photo from a local bar with a provocative caption, it raised concerns among her Christian friends. They reached out in private messages and within the comments. Sarah felt judged and criticized. This only reinforced her view that Christians are more often judgmental, legalistic, and hypocritical.
Eventually, Sarah decided to go public with her deconstruction. In a lengthy video, she shared her doubts and beliefs and announced that she no longer considered herself Christian. Her video received both affirmation and a few rebukes. She expected as much.
Sarah’s story is not unique. I’ve seen that same story play out many times in this post christian era…
Paul wrote, in the last days there would be a great falling away as the man of lawlessness is revealed (2 These 2:3-4). Most pictured that fulfilled a powerful leader who wooed people from Christ… reality is, its been an impotent church that failed to ground a generation in truth and abandoned them to slowly drift away in a sea of moral relativism.
A few things we have noticed...
* No one “deconstructs” their way to Christ
* No one “deconstructs” to a new faith system
* No one “deconstructs” to a health
* No one “deconstructs” outside an echo chamber
Lie #1: Sin is not that big of a deal!
4 Everyone who makes a practice of sinning also practices lawlessness; sin is lawlessness.
“Everyone sins… It’s not like I’m murdering someone… I’ll stop one day… a little of bit of sin can’t hurt…”
This lie makes us believe we can somehow live with sin
In 1979 a group of 257 passengers embarked on a sightseeing flight from New Zealand to Antarctica. Unknown to the pilots, a minor 2-degree error in the flight coordinates had been made the night before in the flight log, This seemingly insignificant discrepancy shifted the aircraft's course by 28 miles to the east of the intended route.
As the pilots approached their presumed destination, they descended through the clouds to a lower altitude, eager to provide their passengers with a memorable experience of the stunning Antarctic landscapes. Despite their extensive expertise, these pilots had never flown this specific route before, leaving them unaware they were off course.
Tragically, the incorrect coordinates led the aircraft directly into the path of Mount Erebus, an active volcano standing more than 12,000 feet above the frozen terrain. The plane crashed into the side of the volcano, and all the lives on board were tragically lost.
One degree can make a massive difference!
Sin causes separation - from one another and from God’s presence
No matter how “small”, Sin is always a big deal
Few Questions:
* Is ______ a sin? (If you’re asking the question, it likely is… can you picture Jesus doing it)
* Is _______ really that big of a deal? (See above)
* Isn’t all sin the same? (In nature yes, in consequence no)
* How far is too far? (One degree makes a difference)
* The person who asked this has an affection problem
* beware of the person who talks about their past with affection
Lie #2: I was born this way…
7 Little children, let no one deceive you. Whoever practices righteousness is righteous, as he is righteous. 8 Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning.
"I was born this way, how can God punish me?" (Half true)
This lie blames God for our failures
What we believe - Man was created good and upright; for God said, "Let us make man in our own image, after our likeness." However, man by voluntary transgression fell and thereby incurred not only physical death but also spiritual death, which is separation from God.
Genesis 1:31 (ESV) 31 And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good.
Unlike every other religion, the Bible begins with a perfect creation.
James 1:16–18 (ESV)
16 Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. 17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. 18 Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.
God made everything good and perfect
Creation begins with ONE rule and man through a voluntary choice of his own brought sin and a curse into the world
God created everything perfect, sin perverted what God created
I was born this way… but thank God, by grace, I can be born again!
John says, … (vs 5) The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil.
I WAS BORN IN SIN, BUT I AM BORN AGAIN INTO RIGHTEOUSNESS!
Lie #3: I’m a good person…
9 No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God’s seed abides in him; and he cannot keep on sinning, because he has been born of God.
This lie makes us believe we can some how make amends for all our wrongs
Good…Compared to who? Jesus is the standard and no one is that righteous
We came into this world tied to death… no good work could free us
We’ve inherited a bad theology - the gospel is far more powerful and far reaching than you realize
5 You know that he appeared in order to take away sins, and in him there is no sin.
Romans 8:1–11 (ESV) There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2
Thank you to our Lead Pastor - Pastor Daniel Norris for providing the "Dive Deeper" portion of this article. Watch this message below.
Sarah began to question the creation account she learned in Sunday school compared to the theory of evolution she had studied in school. She also struggled with the portrayal of an angry and vengeful God in the Old Testament. She wondered how her co-workers with diverse religions and cultures could find fulfillment and contentment apart from Christianity.
She also found the teaching of an eternal hell to be immoral and struggled to reconcile this with the idea of a loving God. Finally, she questioned why a church that preaches love would be so unaccepting to her friends in the LGBT community.
These doubts and questions only grew louder as they remained unanswered.
After college, Sarah experienced a failed relationship, which led to depression. She hoped to find solace and support within her church, but instead found superficial relationships centered around a few key personalities rather than genuine connection. When one of those personalities failed morally, she began to question the purpose of her involvement in church all together.
As her involvement in the church waned, Sarah began to notice posts on social media from old friends who were on their own deconstruction journeys. Their frustrations and questions resonated with her own doubts, and she found herself drawn to an online community of doubters and seekers. This group provided the deep thinking and authentic in relationships she had hoped for within the church.
While Sarah initially kept her deconstruction journey a secret, her online posts began to reflect her doubts and changes in belief. When she posted a photo from a local bar with a provocative caption, it raised concerns among her Christian friends. They reached out in private messages and within the comments. Sarah felt judged and criticized. This only reinforced her view that Christians are more often judgmental, legalistic, and hypocritical.
Eventually, Sarah decided to go public with her deconstruction. In a lengthy video, she shared her doubts and beliefs and announced that she no longer considered herself Christian. Her video received both affirmation and a few rebukes. She expected as much.
Sarah’s story is not unique. I’ve seen that same story play out many times in this post christian era…
Paul wrote, in the last days there would be a great falling away as the man of lawlessness is revealed (2 These 2:3-4). Most pictured that fulfilled a powerful leader who wooed people from Christ… reality is, its been an impotent church that failed to ground a generation in truth and abandoned them to slowly drift away in a sea of moral relativism.
A few things we have noticed...
* No one “deconstructs” their way to Christ
* No one “deconstructs” to a new faith system
* No one “deconstructs” to a health
* No one “deconstructs” outside an echo chamber
Lie #1: Sin is not that big of a deal!
4 Everyone who makes a practice of sinning also practices lawlessness; sin is lawlessness.
“Everyone sins… It’s not like I’m murdering someone… I’ll stop one day… a little of bit of sin can’t hurt…”
This lie makes us believe we can somehow live with sin
In 1979 a group of 257 passengers embarked on a sightseeing flight from New Zealand to Antarctica. Unknown to the pilots, a minor 2-degree error in the flight coordinates had been made the night before in the flight log, This seemingly insignificant discrepancy shifted the aircraft's course by 28 miles to the east of the intended route.
As the pilots approached their presumed destination, they descended through the clouds to a lower altitude, eager to provide their passengers with a memorable experience of the stunning Antarctic landscapes. Despite their extensive expertise, these pilots had never flown this specific route before, leaving them unaware they were off course.
Tragically, the incorrect coordinates led the aircraft directly into the path of Mount Erebus, an active volcano standing more than 12,000 feet above the frozen terrain. The plane crashed into the side of the volcano, and all the lives on board were tragically lost.
One degree can make a massive difference!
Sin causes separation - from one another and from God’s presence
No matter how “small”, Sin is always a big deal
Few Questions:
* Is ______ a sin? (If you’re asking the question, it likely is… can you picture Jesus doing it)
* Is _______ really that big of a deal? (See above)
* Isn’t all sin the same? (In nature yes, in consequence no)
* How far is too far? (One degree makes a difference)
* The person who asked this has an affection problem
* beware of the person who talks about their past with affection
Lie #2: I was born this way…
7 Little children, let no one deceive you. Whoever practices righteousness is righteous, as he is righteous. 8 Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning.
"I was born this way, how can God punish me?" (Half true)
This lie blames God for our failures
What we believe - Man was created good and upright; for God said, "Let us make man in our own image, after our likeness." However, man by voluntary transgression fell and thereby incurred not only physical death but also spiritual death, which is separation from God.
Genesis 1:31 (ESV) 31 And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good.
Unlike every other religion, the Bible begins with a perfect creation.
James 1:16–18 (ESV)
16 Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. 17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. 18 Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.
God made everything good and perfect
Creation begins with ONE rule and man through a voluntary choice of his own brought sin and a curse into the world
God created everything perfect, sin perverted what God created
I was born this way… but thank God, by grace, I can be born again!
John says, … (vs 5) The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil.
I WAS BORN IN SIN, BUT I AM BORN AGAIN INTO RIGHTEOUSNESS!
Lie #3: I’m a good person…
9 No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God’s seed abides in him; and he cannot keep on sinning, because he has been born of God.
This lie makes us believe we can some how make amends for all our wrongs
Good…Compared to who? Jesus is the standard and no one is that righteous
We came into this world tied to death… no good work could free us
We’ve inherited a bad theology - the gospel is far more powerful and far reaching than you realize
5 You know that he appeared in order to take away sins, and in him there is no sin.
Romans 8:1–11 (ESV) There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2
Thank you to our Lead Pastor - Pastor Daniel Norris for providing the "Dive Deeper" portion of this article. Watch this message below.